Take the Power back from Anger: how our emotions can be channelled through an Outlet

I’m a believer in anger; not the smash-your-hand-through-a-wall type (although I’ve felt that physical rage). I think it is healthier to find an outlet for the anger rather than learn how to “manage it”, which for many people means to hold it in. In my experience held-in anger eventually mutates into an explosion of rage that can no longer be contained. Take a bunch of little rages and stick them in a box and trust me, they conspire against you and come blasting forth. I have read many 10-step guides to anger management which includes everything from the famous “count to ten (any child can tell you that never works), punch a pillow ( this one is not as satisfying as breaking a window or putting a hole in the wall) and participate in extreme exercise to exhaust yourself out of the anger. All of these methods of dealing with anger are a type of “compliant avoidance.” Where we know there is something that has made us angry and use methods for short-term relief but is avoiding what is the root of this emotional angst. Although the short-term relief can stall anger if something gets in your way and it’s making you angry, you can’t avoid it for long. Squelching anger seems to be particularly problematic. Freud thought that depression can be caused by anger turned against the self. The anger toward others that we can't acknowledge gets directed at ourselves and shows up in the form of guilt, feelings of inadequacy, and self-critical thoughts (Siegel, 2012). Anger needs to be heard and felt and have some kind of resolve. It needs to mean something because clearly, it meant enough to anger you. Don’t stuff your high-tension emotions into a box. FIND AN OUTLET. In finding a good outlet the goal is to diffuse the emotional reactivity that can lead to screaming/physical fighting by experience our feelings in a way of noticing, and becoming aware of when these feelings arise. Focusing or become mindful of how our anger is triggered you can take power over the depression or unwanted feelings in your body. You can take time out of the day and type about your feelings.

 "You can let your fingers fly around the keyboard, have a voice, make your point, solve a problem or clarify an issue, and vent as creatively as you wish, all with the written word. Computers are tough. They can take the pounding and they don’t bleed or send you a restraining order (Cullen, Brito, & Pons, 2016)."

Moments of sadness and anger can also be accompanied and interspersed with interest and joy. When we fully experience our feelings in this way of noticing, and becoming aware of when these feelings arise we can become mindful of how our anger triggers depression or unwanted feelings in our body. In mindfulness practice instead of exacerbating our suffering, we turn towards the experience at hand and challenge the depressive or angry stance. Dr. Ronald Siegel writes that "A key to being able to do this is noticing emotions as they appear in the body. We see that all emotions are actually sets of bodily sensations accompanied by thoughts and images" (Siegel, 2010, p. 146).  Using the skill of being with and attending to pleasant and unpleasant bodily sensations, you can learn to explore emotions that come up in your body and increase your capacity to not only bear with them but to increase the capacity to connect with them. For more on the mindfulness of anger check out this mindfulness practice for dealing with one of our strongest emotions.

 Cullen, M., Brito, G., & Pons, (2016). Taken from the Mindfulness of Anger  January 25, 2016 post at

https://www.mindful.org/mindfulness-of-anger/

Siegel, D. J. (2012). The developing mind: How relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are (2nd Ed.). New York, NY: The Guilford Press.

Siegel, R. D. (2010). The mindfulness solution: Everyday practices for everyday problems. New York: Guilford Press.